Eating at the wheel is dangerous

Following reports in London’s Daily Telegraph and other UK press earlier this month that eating at the wheel is very, very dangerous, the Bournemouth Daily Echo, instrument of record at Europe’s top holiday destination on the shores of the Channel, came forth last week with further shocking revelations. Namely, that eating is not the only in-transit activity to put lives at risk. Extensive investigations have shown that talking on a mobile phone while in control of a motor vehicle is also a menace to life and limb on the nation's roads. “I can scarcely believe it – this has been going on under our noses for twenty years or more and it took this long to find this out,” the nation’s top traffic cop told the Echo. “Startled - that’s what I am right now, I'd have to say. Yeh, startled.” Fortunately for him and his colleagues, a squad of Echo photographers hit the streets to find out just how prevalent in-transit telephony has become. The result is this shocking gallery of culprits exposing Bornemouth as a town of such concentrated criminality as to be out of control. The next chapter in paper’s ongoing expose has been delayed with reports that an Echo photographer has been pulled off assignment after being caught offering a young woman fifty quid to have sex in his car. “But look, the sex angle’s really just a kind of diversion, a filler while we pull the really big one together,” an Echo editorial spokesman told motoring.com.au. He and his colleagues are staying mum on exactly what that is, but a wave of rumour sweeping all of southern Britain has it that the paper is setting up to make explosive revelations later in the year about the possible deleterious effects on motor skills of alcohol consumption.