So, what type is your guy?

As someone who goes clubbing often and parties a lot, I can safely say that I am sort of an expert on male behaviour in these environments. I have studied it over the years and I can now declare that the Indian male on the dance floor can be broadly classified into three categories. All my own work, this! Read and nod in agreement. Type A: The have-feet-will dance guy: This guy comes to parties only to show off his dance moves. From the moment he arrives, he stares lustfully at the dance floor, waiting impatiently for the appropriate moment when he can hit it. This dude does not care if he has no partner to dance with. It's better because then all the attention is on him. He can dance to any kind of music. Hindi, English, rock, rap, bhangra... bring it on. He's a delight to watch and is the centre of attraction. But that's as long as he's in his 20s or early 30s. He secretly wants to be a winner of a dance reality show. His friends will never tell him he's not that good, and he'll continue to try and impress people with his skills. But he's bound to turn pathetic at the point when he begins to compete with people half his age. Type B: The have-companywill-groove guy: This gent likes to dance, but he is shy/awkward, and not much of a dancer, so he doesn't like to stand out in the crowd. He likes to be part of a group. This group can consist of a few guys like him. Or be a bunch of colleagues from work -- a mix of girls and guys. This fella feels more comfortable with Hindi filmi music, and his dance moves are basically steps from Bollywood films he watches. Type C: The have-eyes-will-stare guy: This guy thinks he's just rolled out of a western. He struts into a bar/party/nightclub as though he owns it. He wears tees that are too tight and jeans that hug his bottom. He's in his mid-30s or late 40s. He used to be attractive, but is balding now and has gained some pounds. This man has no interest in dancing. He sits by the bar with his loser friends and is purely there to enjoy the view - PYT in STDs (Short Tight Dresses). He and his band of merry men sit and stare, commenting on the eye candy on display. Most likely to send a note to some girl during the course of the evening. Type D: The have-girlfriend-will shake-a-leg-or-two guy: This dude has a girlfriend. They've been together for a while. She likes to dance. So he escorts her to a party/nightclub and watches from the sidelines, as she grooves with her gal pals (not as weird as a bunch of boys burning the dance floor). Or that Type B guy. Every now and then, his girl will pout over him not joining her. At some point, she will drag him to the dance floor and he will agree to shake a leg. He's most likely to close dance. It doesn't involve a lot of movement, you see. And it keeps his girl happy. Type E: The have-appetite-will-drink guy: This chap is in a relationship with either Budweiser or Jack Daniel's. Or both. He has no interest in the ladies, the music or the dancing. He is purely there to drink, and unwind. He might be with a girl, solo or with buddies. This type is found more often in pubs that screen matches. Likely to metamorphose into a couch potato who will continue with that behaviour in your living room some day.