Women gain happiness from seeing their partner upset

Women are renowned for being the ones to  urge their other halves to talk about their troubles – while men are just as famous for feeling hen-pecked because of it. Now a study has helped shed light on why couples can find it so hard to understand each other. It may all come down to the different ways  we try to empathise with the opposite sex. Women, it claims, feel reassured when they see their man unhappy. They believe that if the man allows them to see that he is upset – rather than withdraw – it shows he is committed to the relationship. Women also prefer their male partner to know when she is upset than when she is happy as a way of showing their empathy. Men, however, prefer to know when their wife or girlfriend is in a good mood in order to feel empathetic. Researchers from US universities including Harvard conducted tests on more than 150 male-female couples for the American Psychological Association. Just over half were married but all were in what the study called a 'committed' long term relationship. They were given tests in which they had to talk to each other about dramatic or traumatic events in their relationship and then watch clips of their discussions. During each stage, the volunteers were wired up to monitors that took brainwave readings which can detect their various emotions at that time. The differences between the sexes appears to come down to understanding how the other feels, the researchers told the Journal of Family Psychology. A woman, typically, thinks a partner understands her if he can recognise when she is upset. If he can do this then it suggests a strong link to their relationship that will make it easier to come through the hard times together. She also believes that if he allows her to see that he is upset, then that also shows he is committed to the relationship. He, on the other hand, thinks the relationship is strong by being able to spot what makes her happy, perhaps so that he can continue to do whatever it is that works. Lead researcher Shiri Cohen of Harvard Medical School explained why women's brains showed a positive reaction to seeing their husband or partner upset. She said: 'It could be that for women, seeing that their male partner is upset reflects some degree of the man's investment and emotional engagement in the relationship, even during difficult times. 'This is consistent with what is known about the dissatisfaction women often experience when their male partner becomes emotionally withdrawn and disengaged in response to conflict.' Her report added: 'Relationship satisfaction was directly related to men's ability to read their female partner's positive emotions correctly. 'The more men and women try to be empathetic to their partner's feelings, the happier they are.'