Is fidelity a skill than choice?

TOI looks at the reasons for the steady rise in extra-marital affairs in the city. In a recent incident, two women got into a brawl over a man on ECR road. The case took an interesting twist when it was discovered that the man actually had a live-in girlfriend half his age. And the wife was enraged and decided to confront the other woman! So, is fidelity a moral that's turning to be like the dinosaur? Sangeetha Makesh, a behavioural expert, says there are many factors when it comes to infidelity. "Most extra-marital affairs today start in the office with colleagues. A lot of interaction happens in the office and sooner or later, you tend to get close to one person of the opposite sex," she explains. She believes that the relationship initially isn't sexual intimacy, but is more of an emotional intimacy which then can escalate into an affair. Quiz Mohanraj, the Public Relation officer of the Chennai City Police (CTP), whether extramarital affairs have become the norm today and he points out that 80 per cent of sour relationships/divorce involves literate people. "There are a lot of monetary issues here. The wife might need that income to run the family. If she kicks up a storm about the affair, she might be deprived of that. We get a lot of cases where the woman has been abandoned by the husband and has children," says Mohanraj. While statistics in early February 2012 showed that there is a dip in the divorce rates, Dr PN Prabhakaran, psychologist and marriage counsellor, refutes that statistic. "I get more cases of extra-marital affairs now than ever before!" says he. "I would only blame the individuals for this. They should take time out and explore each other to have good understanding, long standing relationship. If one of the partners is unsatisfied, mentally and physically, they will obviously go searching for someone else. Only the emotionally weak succumb to this. The concept of one man or one woman for the rest of your life is a little hard to digest for some people," says Dr Prabhakaran. Recent reports indicate an inkling of hope for city couples and youngsters as they appear to be getting more tolerant of each other's differences given the present statistics. Pratiksha Ashok, a working professional, questions the current social scenario. "We live in a world where consumerism envelops all our thoughts, wants and cravings. We are spoilt for choices everywhere. If we are not satisfied with one product, we search for another. Doesn't this hold true for relationships as well? At the end of the day, we just want more. We can never seem to get enough," she says. No stray matter this The four family courts in the city recorded 3,742 cases of divorce and divorce by mutual consent in 2011. In 2010, as many as 3,803 cases had been filed in these courts. The period from 2000 to 2011 indicate a slowdown in the rate of growth of divorce cases that are being filed as well. Some causes of infidelity - Sexual dissatisfaction - Escapism - Marital issues - Distance from spouse - New experience When it can occur - First year of marriage - When a child is born - Seven-year itch - Mid-life crisis - When one spouse is more successful