Single mum's guide to dating

For the single mum, romance starts with finding a baby-sitter you can trust. Thereafter it becomes progressively complicated! We asked 10 women for tips on how to get your groove back while trying to remain a good parent. "Children come first, but don't use them as an excuse not to date, or for neglecting yourself. It does wonders for your self-esteem to dress up and go out on a date." – Natalie Hlatshwayo, 27 "Look for a man for yourself, and not a father for your child. If a man gets the impression you're looking for someone to shoulder the responsibility, he's guaranteed to run." – Felicia Morris, 28 "Be sure of your reasons for being in a relationship. If it's just to spite your ex, then its a poor idea." – Dukie Mothiba, counsellor with the SA Family & Marriage Society (Famsa) "Find out as much as you can about the guy you're seeing. You don't want to expose your child to an abusive, unhealthy relationship, or any harmful behaviour, so be extra-cautious and ask around." – Busi Motsweni, 25 "Just because you've found a date doesn't mean you can dump your children with just anyone. Leave your kids in the care of people you trust." – Dukie Mothiba "Making him pay for someone to baby-sit your children is out of the question." – Dukie Mothiba "It's important to let your children know where you're going when you leave the house. Give them clear information about your whereabouts and telephone numbers so they can contact you if a crisis arises." – Liz Dooley counsellor at the SA Family Life Centre "While you're out on a date, resist the temptation to talk about your children non-stop. You may be tremendously proud of your children, but he asked you out – not them." – Felicia Morris "Delay introducing your child to a new man until you're sure you'll be together in the long run. Then suggest to your partner that the three of you spend more time together. This will build a bond between your child and your new man." – Busi Motsweni "When you introduce your man to your children, refer to him as a friend, rather than saying he's your boyfriend. Children don't see anything wrong with having friends, especially if you don't over public displays of affection." – Mathipa Manthata, 34 "Don't invite your man to sleep over when the kids are home. And if you expect your date to end in a sleepover at his house, let the baby-sitter know in advance." – Mathipa Manthata "For your child, sleepovers at your boyfriend's house are a no-no – different households may have conflicting rules and values, and be confusing to children." – Natalie Hlatswayo "Never compare your new man with your child's father." – Maenetja Mojela, 27 "Think about how you'll accommodate the father of your child in the relationship, because he should still be a part of your child's life." – Liz Dooley "If your guy doesn't appreciate your child, then he doesn't deserve to be with you." – Maenetja Mojela "Resist the temptation to confide in an older child about your new relationship. You may be head over heels in love, but you're still the grown-up. It's very unfair to expect a child to become your confidante, particularly regarding adult relationships." – Colleen Ndawonde, 37 "Older children may have selfish motives for criticising your social life – but they can also notice warning signals you may have missed because you're too close to the relationship. Learn to tell the difference." – Margaret Madikiza, 36 "Trust your intuition and judgement. If the relationship seems to be good for you and your child, then it's one you should pursue." – Liz Dooley "Always use protection during sex. Quite apart from the risk of contracting HIV/Aids and othber diseases, you don't want to fall pregnant and have history repeat itself!" – Phumla Mutemba, 25 "Take an honest look at your relationship with your child. If you don't communicate well, you've got work to do at home before you're ready to date." – Colleen Ndawonde