Why I Won’t Be Nice Anymore

Ever since I was a little kid in kindergarten, people around me have been asking me to be nice. Whether it’s playing nice, sharing my toys, sharing my lunch, saying thank you, or being forced to go to some geek’s birthday party, my parents and my class teacher –Ms. Creamer- have made sure that I was polite. It doesn’t matter what the other kids did or said; it doesn’t matter if one of them took my pen and put it up their nose. All that matters is my manners and how I behave in school or at home. While they were really busy trying to keep me in line, they forgot about all the other kids flicking boogers in the classroom, saying dirty one liners that they probably don’t get, and taking pictures of the teacher’s behind while I sit there and wonder “who the hell am I being nice for?! These pricks?” As I grew up, I kind of expected that to change. I thought I’d get a little rough, and the pricks would get a little softer round the edges but no, I was wrong. Now I’m the one that’s always sending Christmas greetings and birthday gifts; the one that shows deep appreciation when someone does the simplest gesture or shows the tiniest bit of affection. The one that always takes the first step into creating friendships and life-long relationships; the one that will never hesitate to guide anybody or give them decent advice. What do I get in return from the pricks? Nothing. A “thank you” sometimes with no actual appreciation, a BBM heart emoticon if I’m lucky, and sometimes a stab in the back from my so-called “advice”. I hereby announce that I think it’s time for me to step into real life, step outside Ms. Creamer’s bubble, and start being the bitch I can really be. You know, snap at my co-workers and send them hate email via Outlook, “forget” my friend’s birthday and wish her a happy belated one 2 days later (yes, that happened to me), condescendingly say thank you like a brat when someone gets me a going away gift or whatever, and most importantly treat people like crap because that’s the new black. In a world full of pricks, being nice bites you in the as*. I'm sorry this article took up so much of your time … actually I’m not!