Asexuality: Is it normal?

The first time I heard of asexuality, it was in a story I read about a British couple who were married, but never felt the urge to have sex. They had never experienced sexual attraction. It was a fascinating read, because sex is everywhere. It’s the reason we exist and the fact is, it’s a whole lot of fun. Since Freud and Kinsey, we tend to believe anyone without a sexual orientation must be repressed or delusional. Asexuality is therefore an impossibility. But it’s more common than we think. Mira Mohindra’s ex-boyfriend is one of them. “We fell in love when we were just 13. For us, being together was only about holding hands and being on the phone for hours,” says Mira. “Then a couple of years later, when I reached puberty, I started having sexual feelings towards him. But he was just not interested.” Mira’s self-esteem took a beating. “But I knew he loved me and didn’t want to be with anyone else,” she adds. “It was one of the toughest decisions of my life to walk away from him and the relationship. He’s still single.” Let’s not get physical Mira’s ex probably wasn’t diagnosed, but asexuality is slowly making its way to clinical research the world over. The very fact that there are people who do not experience sexual attraction, challenges one of the most fundamental assumptions of a modern society — that sexuality is pervasive, an essential part of what it is to be human. “Asexuality hasn’t been given a clinical status yet,” says psychologist Dr Sonali G. “But asexuality is different from sexual aversion disorder, where patients experience extreme anxiety and panic attacks, when presented with a sexual opportunity. However, the banner of asexuality is also an attractive hiding place for those who are repressing their sexuality — because of latent homosexuality, a phobia of sex, or a childhood trauma.” Unlike celibacy, which is a choice, asexuality is a sexual orientation. According to www.asexuality.org, ‘Asexual people have the same emotional needs as everybody else and are just as capable of forming intimate relationships. It’s just that they don’t need anything physical.’