Don’t push your friends away

The old saying 'Boyfriends come and go, but friends are forever' has some truth to it. A common mistake many young women make is distancing themselves from their friends as soon as they get a boyfriend. While it usually isn't intentional or done with malice, it most definitely hurts feelings. If you are guilty of this, you have probably noticed increased tension in your friendship, or worse, you have lost most of your friends altogether. The bond: Women usually share a very close bond. They can talk for hours on the phone, even after just spending the whole day together discussing the smallest thought that may run through their minds. "It also involves a lot of emotional dependence and high expectations," says psychologist and psychotherapist Dr Anjali Chhabria. Jealous? Not at all! If your friend tells you she isn't jealous, she's lying. "Yes, women do feel jealous when their best friend finds a new friend or a boyfriend, as they become insecure about their own position in their friend's life," adds Dr Anjali. Understanding is the key: Many women fail to strike a balance between friends and boyfriends and this is why things turn bitter. But this is not the case with everyone. "Even friends need to understand that every relationship needs time and two people have to spend more time together to know each other well," says clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany. "At this time, best friends may be taken for granted," she adds. But this is just an initial phase which may pass with time. Hence it is important to get rid of the fear and be there for your friend, because she is adjusting to a new phase in her life and this is probably when she needs your support the most. Don't turn a blind eye: Some women tend to forget their individuality. Their men become their whole world and they drift away from everything else. For your friend, this can definitely come as quite a shock, as your time and attention have suddenly shifted to another person. Thus possessiveness sets in and fights begin. Why you shouldn't ignore her? Just unhealthy: It is completely unhealthy to spend all your time with one person, period. You will become reclusive and isolated, therefore stunting your emotional growth. Miss lonely: If you break-up with him, you will have nobody. Your gal pals might eventually just give up on you. Cracks persist: Due to your negligence in the past, your friend might become a bit more distant. Nothing beats them: No matter how great your new guy is, nothing can replace the bond you have with your female friends. Your gal pals can understand and support you in a way that most men can't. - Let your best friend and boyfriend know clearly how important the other one is to you, so that they will learn to respect your feelings. - Make plans with your friend at least one day or night each week. Go for outings like dinners, shopping, brunches and movies. Don't drastically reduce the amount of time you two spend together - Do not text, email, or call your boyfriend when you're with your friend. She is not naive and will notice that you are doing it. The time you spend with your friend should just be meant for her, without being interrupted by your beau. - Call, text or email your friends more often. A text now and then to check and see how they are doing can go a long way. This will make them feel like they are still in the loop. - Plan group outings. Let your boyfriend meet your friends and you meet his too. - One of the worst things you can possibly do is to make plans with your friends and then blow them off for him. Always stick to your plans. - Be there for your best when she needs you even if you have promised the boyfriend a date. According to the situation, decide who should be your priority and who needs you more. - Share your love life, at least a bit of it, with your friend.