Infidelity, nothing immoral about it?

Like 'em or lump 'em - extra-marital affairs are here to stay. Irrespective of your view, don't make morality an issue. Heard the latest on marriage and its mistress? Yup. So while we may continue to debate whether extra-marital relationships are on or not, the fact is they're happening! For going by the number of extra-marital affairs that people around us are indulging in, one of the two things is happening: Either the marriage today has lost its meaning or such affairs are the 'done thing'. To make matters more interesting (or complex, if you must) films (the opium of the masses) Life in a... Metro; Dil Kabaddi; Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna and Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi to pick just a few, are espousing the cause of love outside marriage, and without compunction too. So along the route you're forced to agree with Alyque Padamsee who came up with a jewel of an idea. The ad guru, who has been in three happy marriages himself was caught on a talk show suggesting that there should be a system of contractual marriage in place, renewable every seven years! This would allow one the opportunity of realising how good or bad their marriage is and whether they'd want to stick to it. The other option could be what Prof Nishi Pandey, Dean, Students' Welfare, LU, suggests. "One should have the courage to take responsibility for that relationship. Walk out of your marriage and legalise the affair instead. Otherwise you are not being true to either." Dittos sociologist Dr Farah Rizvi, for whom the mere mention of extra-marital affairs evokes a "Big NO. An extra-marital affair is nothing but lust with no emotions." Mind you, she makes a fine distinction when it comes to the moral stand. "Attraction and falling prey to the attention one gets from the opposite sex outside marriage is natural," she says. "After all it's a great high that you are still appreciated but then its upto you to not to be swayed." Minakshi Sachdev (name changed), a senior bank executive, takes a diametrically opposite view: "What's wrong with it? It's not like if you're married once you can't fall in love again. It can happen n number of times. There's something unique in every individual which can attract anyone irrespective of marital status. Such relationships are not planned and you can't really blame the person for it." Meanwhile, actor Sanjeet Bedi, who has done one such TV soap based on the extra-marital theme, where he played a promiscuous character, completely disapproves of it in real life: "I don't understand how one can justify an extramarital affair when you have a good, loving partner at home. It's not ethical." But then what explains the rising numbers of these relationships? "Independence, especially that of women," states sociologist Reeta Brara, adding, "Also, films, serials, novels and literature are contributing to the rising trend. The reality is that the institution of marriage is under stress. People want a choice in everything even if it's talking partners. But sometimes they are looking for flings and sometimes it gets serious. This is what is risky, for extra-marital affairs can lead to serial marriages, which negates the permanence that marriage offers." But like it or not, getting into a new relationship while still being in the old one - whatever the compulsions, means that morality will find a way in, where the common man/woman are concerned. Brara clarifies, "See, morality is a very societal issue. The moment you link the whole issue with morality, the immediate outcome is to seek divorce, which may not always be the correct thing in case one has gotten swayed only for a short while. And though falling in love maybe natural, cheating is not on."