Living with HIV as a single mother in Kenya

Every evening, after Grace Achieng has taken supper at about 8:30 p.m., her seven-year-old daughter brings her a cup of water and reminds her that she should take her medicine. The mother of two often appreciates her daughter's gesture, which she has turned into a habit. "I love it so much. I feel honored as a mother. And as I take the medicine, I assure her that I would get better soon," she recounted. But as Achieng utters the words, at the back of her mind she knows that she cannot reverse her condition. "I have not told her that I am HIV positive. All she knows is that mum takes medicine everyday in the evening and she believes that it is her duty to remind me," she told Xinhua in an interview ahead of the World Aids Day on Dec. 1. Achieng confesses she has found it difficult to explain to her daughter about her condition. However, her son who is in form two at a secondary school in Nairobi knows about her health status. "At her age, she is still young to comprehend my condition. I do not want her to start worrying that I am going to die. But I explained to my son and assured him I will live longer to see him through school," she said. Achieng is among hundreds of HIV patients in Kenya raising their children as single parents. While some of them got infected while living as single parents, for others their spouses died from complications resulting from HIV. "My husband died in 2003 from HIV-related conditions. We both knew our status since we had learned that we were HIV positive three years earlier," she said. Achieng explains she was diagnosed with HIV during a visit to an antenatal clinic at a hospital in Nairobi. "I was then pregnant with my daughter. It was routine for every pregnant mother to undergo a HIV test so that their unborn babies can be protected," she explains. After the death of her husband, Achieng has been living as a single mother, raising her two school-going children alone. "For the past eight years, I have managed to provide for my two children, ensuring that they do not lack anything. This is despite the fact that I spend a lot of money on treatment and medication," said Achieng who counts herself lucky since she has a job. In a month, she spends at least 55 U.S. dollars on anti- retroviral and other drugs, for instance to treat stomach aches and cold. The medical expenses eat into her finances making her strain. "When someone is HIV positive, their bodies lack immunity. You become prone to all-manner of diseases, which you must treat to remain healthy. You can get a cough or have persistent headaches or chest pains, " she said. Despite the setbacks, Achieng says she ensures her children do not see her as a sick person. "As a single mother, you cannot let your children down by showing them that you are sick and that they are likely to be orphaned. Doing that will affect their studies and even their life, " she said. She noted that a child who believes that her mother may die soon may lose hope in life. "This is what I always try to avoid because they look up to me. Even when I am sick, I struggle not to spend most of my time in bed. I sit with them, especially my daughter and assure her that all will be well," she recounted. While her children are supportive, Achieng narrates that sometimes she is stigmatized by her workmates and other people who know her status. "In the office, a colleague can annoy you by asking you when was the last time you went for testing, or someone tells me I have lost a lot of weight yet they know my status," she said. Such comments, notes Achieng, can kill your morale, since you are being targeted unfairly. "It affects your esteem, your thinking and attitude towards the work place. But most of the time I try not to show it because my daughter will ask me why am sad," she said. While Achieng, who has gone public about her HIV status and is an inspiration to many people, live positively, she said sometimes she worries so much about her children. "I am a peer educator at my work place and other HIV support groups I am involved in. This has helped me live positively but I know I may not live long to raise my children. Often, I find myself thinking about how their life would be after I die. It is unavoidable because that is the reality," she said. To secure their future, she said she has taken an education insurance cover. "I pay premiums every month. This will guarantee that they complete their education in case I pass on." She noted that while the Kenya government and its partners have initiated various programs for couples living with HIV and those who are discordant, single parents have been forgotten. "No one talks about single parents who are HIV positive. It is like we do not exist yet we also need lots of counselling and care, " she observes. Kenya has various support programs for persons living with HIV initiated by the government and the private sector. These include Tunza and Pamoja Tuangamize Ukimwi initiatives.