When death tears you apart...

The loss of a loved one can leave you feeling a range of emotions including hurt, guilt, anger and betrayal. We tell you how to cope with a tragic loss Coping with the loss of person close to you can be very traumatic. In the song Last Kiss, by Pearl Jam, the band succinctly speaks about moving on after a loss. And while some may look at a tragedy this way, there are many others who don't know where to start re-building their lives, as the person who passed away was a vital part of their lives. As in the case of 31-year old Rani Mehta, a banker by profession, who lost her five-year-old son to meningitis. She says, "I stopped going to work. I would sit on his bed and cry incessantly. I felt disoriented and lost touch with my surroundings." Rani was finally coaxed into talking about her feelings by her husband and in-laws. Clinical psychologist, Seema Hingorrany, says people go through five stages of grieving according to what is now known as the Kubler-Ross model. It was first introduced by a Swiss American psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. She was a pioneer in near-death studies and the author of the pathbreaking book On Death and Dying, where she first discussed the concept. Five stages of grieving The stages, popularly known by the acronym DABDA. Denial Where the person does not want to accept how hurt he/she is, or is not willing to deal with what has happened. Anger In this stage, the person is no longer in denial, but is likely to lash out due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Bargaining Here the person hopes that the individual can somehow postpone or delay deathby bargaining with God. Depression Being taken over by extreme grief, in this stage they see no reason in living life anymore. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. Acceptance Individuals come to terms with what has happened. It is essential for one to go through all these emotions in order to help them cope says psychiatrist, Anjali Chhabria, who also suggest what you can do. Tips you can use -Seek support from family and friends. -Don't hesitate, when you need emotional support. -Do not feel guilty, shy, upset or embarrassed about how you feel. -Express your feelings and thoughts so you vent out all our anger and sadness. -Avoid being alone as that may make you think about the incident. -Go back to your routine, keep yourself occupied. -If you need time alone do not hesitate in letting people around know. -Family and friends must be there for the person, and should listen rather than advice. -Avoid talking about similar incidents to the person. -Provide a lighter atmosphere. -Understand that the person grieving may need time alone by themselves. Seema, sums it up with this advice. "Don't force the person to talk if the grieving person doesn't feel like talking. You can offer comfort and solace with your presence. If you can't think of something to say, just offer eye contact, or a reassuring hug."