Juliana Hatfield returns with band, doubts on pop life

Juliana Hatfield -- a great hope for alternative rock in the 1990s -- once wrote: If kids want to grow up to be rock stars, then what does a rock star want to be when she grows up?
It's now been nearly seven years since Hatfield published an intensely personal memoir that included the question, and she admits that she's still pondering it.
Offering one answer, she has reformed her band, The Juliana Hatfield Three, which released a new album in February -- its first in 22 years.
"Whatever, My Love" picks up where the band left off -- with songs that are at one level straightforward guitar pop, yet defined by Hatfield's waifish voice and her painfully open expressions of self-doubt.
Hatfield, 47, never stopped putting out solo albums in the intervening years. But she has also branched out personally. She went to art school for a year and is pursuing painting, and is also hoping to write another book.
"I guess you can say that I'm still struggling with what my legacy on Earth as a human being will be," Hatfield told AFP.
"I want it to be more than just some pop records. Although they are so important to me, there are more things that I can do," she said.
Hatfield, who is touring the United States with her reunited band, said that a few years ago she had thought about giving up music -- at least live performances -- but that "I just feel myself keep getting pulled back."
"I really feel like making music kept me alive for many years, and it was like a lifeboat that I held onto," she said.
- No longer so 'full of angst' -
Hatfield, who grew up in the Boston area, saw her career soar during alternative rock's heyday in the early 1990s with the popularity of albums such as "Hey Babe" and songs including "My Sister" and "Spin the Bottle," which appeared on the soundtrack for the Generation X cult classic film "Reality Bites."
But suffering severe depression, Hatfield abruptly shifted course and canceled a tour of Europe.
As she later wrote in the memoir, "When I Grow Up," the music industry prefers "for a girl to work, work, work and promote, promote, promote until she breaks down or blows out and is hauled away on a stretcher than for her to walk away on purpose when she still has some power to decide for herself what is right."
Hatfield, who plays guitar and sings, explained that The Juliana Hatfield Three reunited after she contacted drummer Todd Philips about performing on her solo work.
They brought in bassist Dean Fisher and the trio discovered that they still had "that ineffable quality that is chemistry," which was sometimes lacking in hired musicians, Hatfield said.
The album's highlights include "If I Could," a power pop song of empathy, and "Ordinary Guy," which tells of a disastrous boyfriend: "He shoots up in front of me / In the daytime he sleeps."
Many of the songs were written years earlier. While still performing with genuine emotion, Hatfield said that she may not have written tracks such as "I'm Shy" -- whose theme is obvious from the title -- today.
"I remember being so full of angst when I wrote that song -- 'Why am I such a freak? Why can't I talk to people?' Now I just embrace my weirdness," she said.
She feels similarly about her musical skills. For years, she tried to make her voice raspier -- even taking up smoking -- but has come to terms with her strengths and weaknesses.
"There is nothing I can do about it," she said of her voice. "I don't sound like Courtney Love -- I just don't. I love Courtney Love's voice."
"I'm just not worrying so much about my idiosyncrasies. I accept my limitations more now -- and I embrace them."
Source: AFP